Archive for September 14th, 2010


My mother had a massive stroke four years ago , she died a year ago last June , just days after her birthday…. I found myself sending flowers for her birthday and within moments a wreath for her funeral.

I, too sick to attend her funeral in England…, friends arranged a small service in our local Church here in Spain for me to say good-bye to my mother….not quite the same as kissing her for the last time on the cheek…but…the best I could do… I had not seen my mum for almost a year, although I could speak to her by phone she could not answer because the stroke had left her without speech. The one saving grace , my mother never knew I had cancer….had she been healthy I would have wanted to cry in her arms…the one person we need the most when life turns sour is our mother..

I remembered today the spite and cruelty from a forum named Sang Froid…..about my mothers illness, a woman they had never met, made fun of in the cruellest of ways….because her daughter did not believe in FAIRY TALES..I did not visit the site but there are always those ‘ever helpful’ who like to send you a copy of what has been said.

We seem to be in a state of ‘deja vù’ but remember it is not only me you attack, but every single person who has cancer. Apart from your belief in FAIRY TALES what kind of people are you?

To continue.

During the time before I was diagnosed with Cancer, I would travel on a regular basis to visit with my mother. I would act the clown and do everything I could to make her laugh.

I cannot remember how I came to hear of Professor Ralph Clauss or his findings in how the Sleeping drug ZOLPIDEM helped stroke victims…I am only glad that I found him. Professor Clauss works in the Nuclear Department at the Royal Surrey County Hospital in GUILFORD. (For more information I have left a link in the sidebar)

My mother, as a stroke victim, was as bad as it could get, she could not walk or talk and was double incontinent.

One day I telephoned Professor Clauss out of desperation, never for one moment thinking it would be he himself who would answer the phone. I explained through tears and much grief about my mother and how I had heard about him and ZOLPIDEM although I could not remember where or how….A gentle man with a gentle voice told me to calm down so he may ask me some questions. First , before we could even think of trying ZOLPIDEM we must wait six months for the swelling to subside in the brain…luck was on our side six months had passed…Second we must have permission from my mothers GP….BIG sticking point my mothers GP refused, I phoned, I e.mailed, I begged…finally after Professor Clauss wrote to my mothers GP and told of his findings he agreed.

My sister terrified, I also though trying to put on a brave face gave my mother her first tablet of ZOLPIDEM….we waited and we waited…if there was to be any reaction you should see some change within 30 minutes. Nothing. Tears of disappointment stung my eyes, when suddenly my sister said’ Dan LOOK’…I turned to see my mother rosie cheeked her crooked smile had straightened up and she was sitting up in bed looking like her old self. We both said to her mum, mum and her eyes looked at us as though she had done something very clever…my sister and I jumping up and down like a couple of two year olds. The down side, the effect of ZOLPIDEM only lasts a matter of hours and the patient returns to their normal state.But for a few precious hours you may have your family member back as you knew them.( It is important to give the recommended dose the SAME time each day )

NOT everyone will have a reaction to ZOLPIDEM for some there will be no difference at all, but one thing I can say if you have a family member who has suffered a stroke ZOLPIDEM is worth a try.


Professor Ralph Clauss has written books on his findings with ZOLPIDEM you can look him up on the INTERNET.


Article also in Spanish.

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I knew it would happen and you did not disappoint. However, I am not DEAD yet, nor likely to be in the near future. So sorry to disappoint.

I was very foolish to use my blog for the MORAIS garbage and have it tainted, but too late now.

I am hardened to your spite and hatred BUT friends who read my blog are not…and when I say my friends I am talking about Cancer patients .

Do you wish the same for my friend ???’Shall I pass on your good wishes OR am I the only Cancer patient you have such JOY for?

I post again my friends post who gave her permission to use on my blog.

I am not like you and hope you NEVER have to go through this.
You will NOTE if you are interested my friend has a wonderful sense of humour and I love her dearly.


The following is not a list of complaints. My posts, along with my journal are documenting my “journey” so I want to throw down some of the newer chemo side-effects for personal posterity. Won’t be fun reading but you’re welcome to it.

*Mouth taste: it’s as if I haven’t brushed my teeth in weeks – kind of furry, swollen, slippery; no amount of brushing changes it. Kiss me baby.

*Sores from the inside out: my hands, feet, mouth, nose, esophagus, rectum have sores that I can feel on the inside but mostly can’t see on the outside. For example, trying to bend my thumbs makes the palm-side joint feel like it’s going to rip open.

*Hair: loss of hair, lashes, brows is not a just a self-image issue. No nose hair means constant nasal drip, nose sores and unprotected respiratory; few lashes brings a lovely pea tinted goop that seals eyes shut at night and sometimes when blinking (No! Mr. I’m not winking at you, my eye’s stuck shut) – this eye goop comes from external crap landing and swelling in normal eye liquid and from “chemo trash” (my doctor’s words) trying to wash it’s way out of the eye; hair stubble is painful as it picks & sticks to, and rubs the wrong way on, a pillow for 10 to 15 hours – grrrr; pubic hair loss is shocking as purple tinted skin appears; leg, armpit & nipple hair loss has no down side, I’m going to Italy on the money I save not buying razors!

*Energy swings: Remember Lucy from Charlie Brown? She always pulled the football out from under poor Charlie just as he was feeling his most confident and able. I wanted to scream “that’s not fair!” Well, It’s like that when I’m confident enough to gently “work” a couple hours in my garden or cook dinner or defend myself against roving dog-hair-balls. I feel good and believe my body is benefitting from the exercise but what it really does is stir up all the chemicals and lands me on my back for recovery time. That’s NOT fair!

*Anxiety: OMG! Out of the blue anxiety, the likes of which PMS would die to have in its arsenal, sneaks up from behind and makes you want to jump out of your skin! Probably my most disparate cancer/chemo moment was an anxiety attack fueled by Compazine. It felt life threatening.

*Tears: like anxiety, tears are part of the game whether you feel like having them or not. Let-em flow, it’s good for sticky eye syndrome. There may be times when crying is a response to feeling and then there are the chemo tears; all good for pity’s sake. These tears are different from the constant eye “tearing” (see eye pea-goop above).

*Chemo brain: born a dyslexic, shinny-thing syndrome blonde I’m used to occasional brain failure but utter meltdown is noticeable. If there’s “chemo trash” flushing through the eyes, internal sores and the rest, what’s that poor swollen itching brain going through? I use the buddy system whenever leaving the house. Doc says forgetaboutit; things will return to normal a few weeks after chemo if complete.

*Weight changes: who cares! I’m already bald, sticky, scabby, crying and psychotic, who’s going to notice the weight?

*Blurred vision: possibly a blessing.

*Scent: maybe I stink too – do I stink?

I’m just sayin’ there’s hugs and kisses in that candy bowl, grap yourself a few fistsful.


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