Archive for July, 2010

Scalps on Fire

Is there anyone out there with an instant remedy for the ‘Scalps on Fire’ before hairloss…I have heard about the ‘Cool Caps’ in the States..do they work? anyone out there with an answer before I go crazy?

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Reaching Four’0′

I had the fear and dread of most women about approaching the age of forty ,the Big Four ‘0’ I must have been around 37 years old when I felt it creeping up on me.

I, of course had no knowledge at this time I had cancer, one never knows until there are symptons.

I love music and wrote a lot of poetry back then.

Yesterday and today , I spent sometime doing a little cleaning as we had guests and they needed a place to put their belongings, I ,by pure chance, came across my poems tucked away in an old draw.

I had not realised how the age of 40 had played on my mind I wrote poem after poem about plastic surgery and bottoms falling to the floor. I think I must have been planning a complete make over and felt for sure I would have a thousand wrinkles on reaching this massive landmark.

Here is something that I wrote, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did reading it again today.

I called it ‘MAKE OVER’

My birthday is looming, the dreaded Four ‘0’,

An appointment at the Docs,I’m ready to go,

I’ve every intention to stop gravity,

Explaining to the Doc with sincere clarity,

My breasts I want lifted,they point to the floor,

Dearest Doctor, make them size 44,

My bottom is quickly falling South,

I too have a droop around the mouth,

Cellulite known as orange peel,

My skin to me, I can no longer reveal,

Look at my stomach ,I need liposuction,

A tummy tuck , or some sort of reduction,

Finally, my face, I need a lift,

Tell me Doctor, Have you got my drift?

Several months later, my goals I’ve achieved,

An astronomical bill, I also received,

My breasts are now pointing to the roof,

Silicone implants, solid, are proof,

Cheek bottoms at last tight and high,

Revealing also, my inner thigh,

Collagen implants, I have a permanent smile,

My Doctor said,’ don’t talk for a while’,

Every sag on my face has been nipped, tucked and lifted,

For days, in and out of consciousness, I drifted,

New legs after applying liposuction,

My body looks good, ready to function,

My stomach now tight as a drum,

I really have lost my protruding tum,

But LOOK,Oh Dear, Whats happened here?

I speak with my Doctor’ This I always fear’

Doctor, the other day I was real mad,

My face won’t move, I can’t look sad,

Lips so full, look out of place,

No, they certainly don’t suit my face,

On one side of my leg, there is a dent,

Liposuction, this is not what I meant,

Doctor, I prefer myself as before,

To put me back, will it cost much more?

Why could I not be happy and content,

With the face I had, that I was meant,

Longing for the moment when I look down,

Into a mirror and see a frown.

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Once again, I need no reminding this is a Cancer blog and the battle to survive.

I ,however, would like to bring to everyones attention this tragic story…Is it a freak accident? no it is not, this has happened to many young children and also to family pets.

When will a safety catch be fitted to washing machines and tumble dryers so they are ‘CHILD SAFE’

How many more children will have to die before someone wakes up,this is happening all too often?

I have a seperate laundry room and NEVER EVER forget the time I found one of my six week old kittens snuggled up amongst the dirty laundry, had I not checked….

I now always make sure my washing machine door is shut and no little furry animal is trapped inside.

I cannot imagine the turmoil this little boys mother is in at this moment….Such a stupid mistake and could have been avoided if there had been a safety latch.

A four-year-old boy died after climbing into a tumble dryer in what is believed to be a game of hide-and-seek that went tragically wrong.

Sonny Gibson was trapped in the machine for an hour while his family and police searched nearby fields for him thinking he had strayed from the house.

When the search moved into their home in rural Ashbourne, Derbyshire, his mother discovered the little boy in the machine’s drum.

Sonny Gibson was trapped in the machine for an hour while his family and a police helicopter searched nearby fields for him

He was pronounced dead at the scene. Police would not say whether the machine was on when he was found.
It was still unclear last night whether he had suffocated or died as the dryer began its cycle.

The four-year-old died after climbing into a tumble dryer while playing hide-and seek

It is thought that he managed to climb into the dryer and somehow close the door behind him.

His mother Anne Shepherd, who is in her mid-40s, was last night too distressed to speak and was under medical supervision.

One neighbour, who asked not be named, said Sonny loved hide-and-seek and was ‘always trying to give his brothers and sisters a surprise’.

Neighbours described him as a ‘sweet little lad’. He had finished nursery last week and it was the first day of his holidays, they said.

It is understood his mother had gone shopping in the town centre some time after 10am yesterday and had left Sonny’s elder half-sister and half-brothers to look after him.

The neighbour said: ‘I’ve been told he was playing hide-and-seek while they were dozing on the sofa.
‘He must have been in there at least an hour so God only knows what it must have been like.’

Police were called just after 10.30am by Sonny’s mother who returned home to find that he was missing.

She was said to have recently split from Sonny’s father and often left him in the care of her children from her previous relationship – Sarah, 20, Nathan, 19, Martin, 17, and Luke, 15.
Last night they were said to be inconsolable and blaming themselves for the tragedy.
Detectives were still at the house last night and half of the cul-de-sac remained cordoned off.
A police source said: ‘It does seem it’s a bizarre and tragic accident.’
Police were awaiting results of a post-mortem examination. No one has been arrested.
A Derbyshire Constabulary spokesman said: ‘He was found by his mother, who had a police officer with her at the time. She’s distraught, as can be expected.’

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My Friend FINNEY.

I have become very close to a cancer patient on’ Blog for a Cure’…or should I say, he has made me become very close to him.

Finney, my friend and supporter has a tumour growing on the upper part of his leg, he is due for surgery in three weeks time.

He has spent the last few days in the hospital with his father and the last 24 hours in the Hospice where his father passed away last night.

Finney has ignored his own pain and now his leg is swollen and bleeding with blisters .

Finney, the most selfless person I have ever met has a strong belief in God, he has tried to make me also believe in his deep faith.

I have explained to Finney how I cannot believe in something I cannot see, feel or touch…I would not say he has given up on me as a lost cause, but told me even if I do not believe in God, God believes in me.

Someone has left this on Finneys blog and I thought I would place it here because the ‘donor’ of theis poem read it at her mothers funeral who also died from breast cancer.


“I’ll lend you for a little while
A child of mine” God said – For you to love the while he lives
and mourn for when he’s dead.
It may be six or seven years
or forty two or three
but will you, till I call him back,
take care of him for me?

He’ll bring his charms to gladden you
and, should his stay be brief,
you’ll have his nicest memories
as solace for his grief.
I cannot promise he will stay,
since all from earth return
but, there are lessons taught below,
I want this child to learn.

I’ve looked the whole world over,
in my search for teachers true,
and from the things that crowd life’s lane
I have chosen you.
Now will you give him all your love,
nor think the labour vain,
nor hate me when I come to take
this lent child back again?

I fancied that I heard them say,
“Dear Lord Thy Will Be Done”
for all the joys thy child will bring
the risk of grief we’ll run.
We’ll shelter him with tenderness,
we’ll love him while we may,
and for the happiness we’ve known
forever grateful stay.
But, should thy Angels call for him
much sooner than we planned,
we’ll brave the grief that comes
and try to understand.

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I had hoped the same as I did before, I would not lose me hair.

But no, it is not meant to be, when I pull at my hair it is breaking off at the roots. I told Stephan as he was writing a letter, he did not even look up as he said ‘So, you knew it would happen’

I cried and told him he did not understand….

It matters to me…and no he does not understand.

How can I try to explain, when I do he turns away ….

Tonight, I have never felt so alone.

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AN INSPIRATIONAL young man who was diagnosed with cancer three times in four years has lost his courageous fight with the disease.

Nicky Avery, 28, died in hospital on Monday, July 19.

Former labourer Nicky, who lived in Southchurch, was the youngest man in the country to be diagnosed with breast cancer, and was later told he has liver cancer as well as bone cancer.

In April he fulfilled his dream of marrying the love of his life, Cheryl Perkins, also 28, in a ceremony at Southend Register office.

The one in a thousand risk

Breast cancer is extremely rare in men.

A man’s risk of developing breast cancer in his lifetime is just one in 1,000.

Every year 44,500 women are diagnosed with the disease compared with 300 men.

Of those women 12,000 die, while around 70 of the male sufferers succumb to it.

The symptoms, diagnoses and treatment are all similar to female breast cancer. The most common symptom is a firm, non-painful lump just below the nipple.

As with women, most cases are 60 to 70-year-olds, although it can affect men of any age.

Risk factors include a high oestrogen levels, exposure to radiation and a family history of breast cancer. Overall survival rate is the same as with women.

Mr Avery was diagnosed with cancer in 2006 after a girlfriend convinced him to go to the doctors over a lump in his chest that he had ignored.

A biopsy and scan revealed it to be cancerous. At the time he said: ‘I was quite ignorant of the fact a man could get breast cancer.

‘Doctors at the hospital said, “Mr Avery, you have got cancer”. It was as quick as that. I thought at first they had misdiagnosed me.

‘It seemed totally surreal and still does.’

Like many women sufferers, Mr Avery had a radical mastectomy followed by intensive chemotherapy and radiotherapy. At the time he said: ‘ During my trips to hospital for treatment, I met women who were also being treated for breast cancer and they were really lovely.

‘They were a real inspiration to me because they would go in for treatment and then go home and look after their families.’

Following his gruelling treatment he was told he had beaten the disease in May

2007. But in March last year he was told it had spread. Despite vowing to beat the cancer again, it proved too severe.

Dr Anne Robinson, consultant oncologist at Southend Hospital and breast cancer specialist, treated Mr Avery throughout his illness.

She said she was amazed when she saw him with the disease at age 24. ‘The way he dealt with his illness was inspirational,’ she said.

‘We don’t get many men a year with breast cancer, especially someone his age.

‘There are probably four or five men a year here with breast cancer compared with something like 400 women.

In a tribute to Mr Avery, his brother Joe wrote on the website Facebook: ‘I’m missing u more than anything … sweet dreams big bro n il b seein u sumday n were be side by side again love u nicky, ur my hero.’

His widow added: ‘He’s my hero too and will miss him every min of every day.’

Mr Avery’s close friend Chris Osborne travelled back to the UK from south-east Asia when he heard he was in hospital, and arrived in time to see him the day before he died.

Mr Osborne later paid tribute online in his blog, writing: ‘Nick was a hero to many, as he was always upbeat about battling cancer and still made it his priority to make people laugh and feel good about themselves.

‘He was the least selfish person I knew and also the strongest by far.

‘His big smile and deep laughter will be remembered by hundreds that were lucky to know him.’

SOURCE: echo-news.co.uk

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Gareth Cottrell age 26, his brother Fraser 15, and their good friend Josh Fitzpatrick were on a training session to walk for Cancer Research when ALL three were attacked and beaten.

I have no idea why this happened but I can tell you I am livid. Gareth is the producer of a local radio station ‘Weekend Wireless’ and the plan was to raise 1000 pounds to help in research for this dreadful disease and we need every penny…well out of evil, ALWAYS follows good and the boys have reached their target without having to take a single step. GOOD decent people have donated .

If you would like to help here is the place to donate.

Well done boys and hope you get better soon…your parents must be so proud of you ,I know I am.


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We know Tamoxifen can cause Cancer of the Uterus, maybe it is time to investigate if it can also cause Metastatic Breast cancer.

I would like to tell this story because it may help someone else but also I am interested in the opinon of others.

I have always had yearly mammos and smear tests, all negative.

Seven years ago I had severe breast pain, it even hurt to walk, the pain so bad I would cry. I saw several doctors to ask for help, some suggested I take an aspirin others surgery and removal of my ovaries but no one told me the cause.

I was at my witsend and a friend recomended a well known gynaecologist in Madrid. Stephan and I left at 5 am one morning to take the train and meet with him, he asked for my latest mammo and results of a hormone blood test.

The results of my blood test proved my estrogen levels were very high and according to the doctor this was the cause of my breast pain. He went on to explain when his patients have this problem he places them on a course of Tamoxifen, I had never heard of Tamoxifen and did not know it was a hormone.

I started to take, as suggested 20mg of Tamoxifen a day, within six weeks the pain and swelling had gone..as if by majic, I was cured.

I stayed on Tamoxifen for four years and had to my knowledge no side effects.

One day out of the blue I had very bad gastric and was admitted to hospital, ( you know my history) and after surgery diagnosed with Invasive Lobular Carcinoma Metastic Breast Cancer Grade IV.

I seem to be the only woman to date who has had breast cancer BUT NOT in the breast…doctors are baffled but believe it had something to do with my taking Tamoxifen…somehow the drug ‘Put the brakes on’ and stopped the spreading to my breasts…or at least this is what the oncologists believe.

I have googled ‘Tamoxifen and Breast Pain’ and it does say in rare cases this is prescribed by doctors.

I was told because I had taken Tamoxifen for so long it wound not now work for me and this may prove to be the case as the cancer is not only back but never went away. I did try Femara but it left me a cripple and went back to Tamoxifen…

I am curious to know if anyone else knows

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Day seven and the sickness has passed, only to be taken over by Insomnia. I woke yesterday morning at 7 am and have not slept since. I am watching movie after movie but sleep will not come.

The sickness was bad, very bad, so bad I have refused to have any more treatment. I cannot and will not put myself through this.

My latest thoughts, maybe chemo induced , have sent Stephan into a tailspin. Yesterday, Stephan spent the morning looking for a dealer to buy marijuana….ALL medication I have been prescribed over the week-end has not worked to stop the wretching, my chest ,stomach and throat are raw, it hurts to swallow.

I have never been a smoker and have no idea how to inhale, if this fails Stephan will bake it in a pie…one way or another he has told me I will go to my next chemo session, even if he has to drag my there by the hair, he may have a job because according to MYOCET, I will be bald by then.

Marijuana he has promised me will stop the sickness and I am thinking about it..BUT only thinking.

I then think of my new friend and supporter , her name, Sonja she is one gutsy lady and puts me in the shade and makes me feel ashamed of my weakness to not fight when all this lady does is fight, fight and then fight some more.

Sonja is a member of ”Blog for a Cure”

I asked permission to use her post to show what a BITCH chemo is and what an amazing lady Sonja and her sense of humour have come to mean to me.

Sonja explains her side effects from Chemo, no doctor will ever tell you this is REALLY how it is BUT Sonja will.

Chemo is one powerful bitch!

The following is not a list of complaints. My posts, along with my journal are documenting my “journey” so I want to throw down some of the newer chemo side-effects for personal posterity. Won’t be fun reading but you’re welcome to it.

*Mouth taste: it’s as if I haven’t brushed my teeth in weeks – kind of furry, swollen, slippery; no amount of brushing changes it. Kiss me baby.

*Sores from the inside out: my hands, feet, mouth, nose, esophagus, rectum have sores that I can feel on the inside but mostly can’t see on the outside. For example, trying to bend my thumbs makes the palm-side joint feel like it’s going to rip open.

*Hair: loss of hair, lashes, brows is not a just a self-image issue. No nose hair means constant nasal drip, nose sores and unprotected respiratory; few lashes brings a lovely pea tinted goop that seals eyes shut at night and sometimes when blinking (No! Mr. I’m not winking at you, my eye’s stuck shut) – this eye goop comes from external crap landing and swelling in normal eye liquid and from “chemo trash” (my doctor’s words) trying to wash it’s way out of the eye; hair stubble is painful as it picks & sticks to, and rubs the wrong way on, a pillow for 10 to 15 hours – grrrr; pubic hair loss is shocking as purple tinted skin appears; leg, armpit & nipple hair loss has no down side, I’m going to Italy on the money I save not buying razors!

*Energy swings: Remember Lucy from Charlie Brown? She always pulled the football out from under poor Charlie just as he was feeling his most confident and able. I wanted to scream “that’s not fair!” Well, It’s like that when I’m confident enough to gently “work” a couple hours in my garden or cook dinner or defend myself against roving dog-hair-balls. I feel good and believe my body is benefitting from the exercise but what it really does is stir up all the chemicals and lands me on my back for recovery time. That’s NOT fair!

*Anxiety: OMG! Out of the blue anxiety, the likes of which PMS would die to have in its arsenal, sneaks up from behind and makes you want to jump out of your skin! Probably my most disparate cancer/chemo moment was an anxiety attack fueled by Compazine. It felt life threatening.

*Tears: like anxiety, tears are part of the game whether you feel like having them or not. Let-em flow, it’s good for sticky eye syndrome. There may be times when crying is a response to feeling and then there are the chemo tears; all good for pity’s sake. These tears are different from the constant eye “tearing” (see eye pea-goop above).

*Chemo brain: born a dyslexic, shinny-thing syndrome blonde I’m used to occasional brain failure but utter meltdown is noticeable. If there’s “chemo trash” flushing through the eyes, internal sores and the rest, what’s that poor swollen itching brain going through? I use the buddy system whenever leaving the house. Doc says forgetaboutit; things will return to normal a few weeks after chemo if complete.

*Weight changes: who cares! I’m already bald, sticky, scabby, crying and psychotic, who’s going to notice the weight?

*Blurred vision: possibly a blessing.

*Scent: maybe I stink too – do I stink?

I’m just sayin’ there’s hugs and kisses in that candy bowl, grap yourself a few fistsful. Sonja


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I thought, as I have now started a second round of chemotherapy, I would place some information as to its function.

Chemo is harsh and not only from a womans point of view does it destroy our looks and ages us beyond our years…it is a two edged sword…chemo is the reason we are still alive.

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