Archive for May 15th, 2010

There is a line in this song about being a friend I would like to have. This song was sent to me by just such a friend.
Thank you my friend.Respect always.

Read Full Post »

The first couple of days once more in hospital spent in a haze of tests and pain killers. I was under the watchful gaze of Dr.Bartholome. I felt safe and knew what ever was wrong, he would soon find out.

They say it never rains when it pours. When you think things can never get any worse, there is always something to prove you wrong.

I had always since my mothers stroke, kept in close contact with the family doctor. My father ,I knew, had had a few health problems and some tests had been carried out. The news I received when picking up my messages took my breath away. My father had bowel cancer, he needed surgery right away. Now what do I do? was my first thought. I had spent my time speaking with my family telling them I was on the beach,in the pool, having a drink with friends, apologizing I could not get away as we were both very busy working. The reality very different . Had my parents seen me at that moment in time, the shock would have killed them both.

My sister caring for my mother 24/7 needed my help, dad would have to stay with her while he recovered from his operation. I could not decide what to do,tell her the truth, or be an uncaring daughter and selfish sister. For the moment I chose the latter.

I could not put her through anymore and hoped for the best.

The pain was much worse and drinking water was like pouring acid in my stomach. I was also swamped with guilt my family needed me and I had let them down.

The fourth day walking to the bathroom was almost impossible. I called the nurse and asked for more pain killers.

Later that morning Dr.B. looked at me and then at Stephan and said with a very serious face( I guess the nurse had told him my thoughts. I believed the cancer had returned) pointing to the liquids entering my vein to ease the pain ‘All of this means nothing if you do not think positive and I am being serious, no joking,understand?’

We both looked at him and nodded, he walked away.

Dr.B.s words, of all the times we have spoken… words I remember the most.

That night around 10 pm I called for the nurse, I was doubled up in pain and screaming,they could not understand why water would burn me and said it made no sense. They were so kind and sat with me as the waves of pain engulfed me, even the pain killers had lost their power.

The following day I had another scan and later, around 5 pm two your doctors dressed in green came to my room( green gowns are worn only by surgeons , the rest of the medical staff wear white) They had found the problem. I had a cyst and they were going to remove it ‘NOW’.

I rang Stephan who had left about half an hour earlier and told him the good news. He wanted to return to the hospital but I told him to go home and get some rest, besides we have animals and there were are lot of little hungry mouths to feed.

Around 7 pm I was wheeled into a small room where there was a scanner . I had another scan and a local anaesthetic was injected into my stomach. The surgeon made a small incision and with a syringe he proceeded to draw liquid, he asked for another syringe and then another. I watched his face, he looked very serious . I asked what the liquid was, it seemed a great amount for a cyst. ‘Faeces’ he said….faeces was seeping out from my stomach and through my skin.

The surgeon slipped a long tube into my stomach , at the end of the tube was a bag which hooked onto the side of my bed.

The relief, I cannot describe, the pain had gone . For the first time in many days I had a good nights sleep.

The following morning Dr.B. came to see me. There was relief, the problem had been found, but uncertainty how to solve it. I would not be allowed to eat or drink . I needed a feeding tube and would be moved to Oncology.

Read Full Post »

You may not understand the words.

But you are a beautiful woman, dont let cancer ruin your life. Get checked and if you are not happy with your doctors answer INSIST on another check. It is your life.


I managed to find a translation for some of this beautiful song.

I woke up today next to you
and my day was in a strange way smiley and easy
I wished tomorrow to be here again!
My world is changing, every monet is a break up,
every breath is a life,
every fear is a road backward,
stimulus to be here tomorrow again.
I woke´╗┐ up today next to you
and I remembered for how long I was waiting for this moment,
but will it have another to be here tomorrow again

Read Full Post »